how to fill up your income tax return form the ducky way

this whole last week while yoda was writing his shit and all, i was just reading malaysiakini, malaysiatoday, jeff ooi & rocketman. there are a lot of things that was said and written, but did it create anything constructive ?

was the price of petrol lowered to its original price after the rally ? which if you didnt know, was not allowed to be printed on the media or telivised. was those ppl in shah alam compensated for the flood that ruin their homes and cars ? how about the police force, did they changed their behaviour ? did anyone that was responsible for that matter got fired or suspended ?

nothing, nothing happened. big rally in klcc, any good that brought us ? nothing. mas making loss again, everyone grumble, is mas still in operation ? of course. nothing we do and write in malaysia is ever going to be constructive. some smart alec will tell me, thats the price for peace. fuck peace, yes i wasnt there in 1969 for that may 13 riot. i dont know. but one thing for sure i know, is that, that incident actually brought more benefit to the govt than the ppl. anytime any cross racial shit happen, may 13 1969 will be told again. nobody wants that to happen again.

so what am i going to do ? something. one thing i know how to do which is my profession is tax. tax dead line for all you employed income ppl other than those having business will be due soon on 30 april 2006. dont know how fill in the form ? let me guide you, but just on this few essential one only.

well some of you may know all this already, but its just for the benefit of those that didnt know.

if you look under your "pelepasan dan pendapatan bercukai"

perubatan ibu bapa - this is medical for your parents only, but who the fuck cares, i put my medicals, my kids medical, my dental bill, any thing that relates to medical its there, cannot ? its self assessment, you dont attached the receipts together with your submission. your chances of being check is like 1 in a 100,000 ? i guess only ok. dont blame me fot that. then why not the whole lump sum of rm5,000 ? hello, in tax never put a round figure unless its real, ok.

peralatan ibu bapa - if you bought one of those message chair that cost a bomb, just claim it here. why should you care, the govt dont care, remember they raised the fucking oil price just so they can continue their luxurious life.

individu yang hilang upaya - lets not pushed it here, and touch wood if you want to claim.

yuran pendidikan dalam bidang yang diluluskan (sendiri) - i put my kid kindergarden fee for the whole year, so thats about rm3,000. its actually for your own further studies.

perubatan bagi penyakit yang sukar diubati - this i put in other ppl medical bills that they are too afraid to claim for fear of being caught by the authorities.

pemeriksaan perubatan penuh - close eye, straight away claim full rm500

pembelian buku/majalah - sama claim full rm700

faedah pinjaman perumahan mengikut peruntukan seksyen 46A - dont get too greedy, ok.

isteri - follow law
bayaran alimoni kepada bekas isteri - follow law
suami follow law
suami/isteri yang hilang upaya follow law
anak - as far as possible lie all you can, its rm1,000 for a kid you know. but ease off on that anak hilang upaya thing, touch wood again.

insurance nyawa & kwsp - being chinese the rm6,000 is definite

insurans pendidikan & perubatan - tembak all rm3,000

premium anuiti kwsp - little ppl actually have this, so best skip it

lain-lain pelepasan yang dibenarkan - none

ok everyone happy, lets go to the next section "cukai kena dibayar"

nothing here just your rebat cukai. only rebate a chinese guy has is the pembelian komputer peribadi. whats your definition of a komputer peribadi ? since the limit is only rm500 and you can only claim it once every 3-4 years, i suggest, if you're not buying a pc, keep the receipts for pc upgrade, memory chips, harddisk, cd burner, mouse, keyboard, i mean they are actually pc components, and if they disallowed, fight for it, explain in detail to this mothers, they'll get blurr and all and you might just about get it. but the trick is to shut up after you get it.

another part is "pendapatan tahun kebelakangan yang belum dilaporkan" - if you fill this part up, you're an idiot. if you are paid last year bonus this year. just keep it. dont report it. what the fuck for you want to tell them ? you think the govt get extra income they'll share it by distributing it through your epf kah ? what the tax guys will do is reopen your last year tax file and re-compute, the you pay more taxes.

thats about it, but make sure you're doing it as an individual not as a business entity, as they tend to fuck up the business entity more than the individuals. so what if they query you and ask for receipts ? show them and if they said cannot, you tell them you are doctor, lawyer, teacher, blogger, not tax agent, how you know lah to fill in the tax return form. fuck kow them lah. or else better, "itu hari hujan lebat, banjir, semua resit sudah basah dan sudah koyak, mana ada lagi"