Wednesday, January 11, 2006

this is an unlikely post, but once again i might be shooting ny self in the foot again.

parenting and childcare.

i have 2 kids, a girl and a boy, the girl is 3 and a half and the boy is a year old. both are equally hyper, it's like having 2 dennis around, but no matter we'll live.

1st, to all newly married, think very carefully before u invite the stork to your house. its a life time thing. you cant undo and press ctrl z, its self save every 1 sec, you cannot undo, ok? yes your nieces and nephews are nice to look at, just like a puppy at the pet shop, its cute and cuddly, wait till you get it home, and it start to shit and bark inconsiderately, that piranha in the fish tank seems like a better buy now.

u know u are a father not when you conceive it, no not yet, not when you are having great sex while your wife is still pregnant, not while she is due soon, you are nearly a father when you stand in the delivery room watching your child crawl out of the love tunnel, you are very near there when you hold your child the first time after the nurses washes up the baby at the hospital, still very near when you visit your wife everyday at the hospital until she is discharge, so when is it that you officially become a father?

it's when you get home, no more rushing to and fro the hospital, mother and child all calmly resting, when all of the sudden, you hear this cat like shreiking that even caught the attention of your pubic hair. it's the first cry that you heard in your very own home when the child is angry/wet/hungry/etc, then you know you have become a father, soon enough that shriek that you heard the first time, will soon become nothing more than a purring of a cat, and sometimes if you are lucky, you can even sleep through without hearing a damn thing, those are peaceful nights.

these are normal case scenario, not even worst case scenario, crying baby, even beats a crying woman. have you seen a crying baby, it doesnt't go sob sob, it goes freaking WAH! UWAH! WAH! WAHHHHH! notice i use capital letters. and the face that goes with that cry, you're seen before. it is impossible to say no my friend.

than of course they grow and grow, some like to eat, some like to play, some like to climb, mine 1 year old is like king kong, he will climb the highest peak at home where he can, he can fall, cry, then there he goes again, the word surrender does not exist in his dictionary, you block his way, he'll crawl underneath, else he'll climb something else, what happen when he reaches the top, he'll grin and smile and shout, if that is not like king kong, i dont know what.

sex? you say. forget abt it. sex is for the single, married ppl dont have sex anymore, married ppl have streamyx for their sex life, you type puretna and you browse for your preference teens, amateur, asian, blacks, anal, fetish, etc.

no sex you say, why, go get married, got get a kid, then 3 years later come read back this post and you would say, what sex ? i have streamyx and look at hand right/left hand im married to it.

try having a quickie at the kitchen sink, your kid walk into you guys and ask what you are doing, why is mummy shouting to god? why are you pushing mummy? why is you kookoochiew inside mummy pet pet? so you explain the burung and the lebah to your kid. this is actually a piece of cake.

try having a blowjob and your kid walk into you, sex is ok, you can explain, its the facts of life, but a blowjob? try explaining why your kookoochiew is in mummy's mouth, the kid understand that to make babies you put the kookoochiew inside the pet pet, but the kookoochiew in the mouth? for fun? might as well shoot yourself in the head, the kid will be having "fun" soon sooner than you think.

good luck.

to be continue


Alex Allied said...

muahaha, I salute you to this post! Masterfully written!

I'm newly wed but I'm not too excite to be a father yet. :|.

ducky said...

alex - enjoy sex without the "mummy i wan nen-nen" interuption while you can.

Yoda said...

well that explains it, your wierdo taste and all. But one thing i dont understand, you got a 1 yr old boy right? if you have abstained from sex since you become a father.......

Kenny Lee said...

i really have to consider again in getting a GF.

ducky said...

ya yoda got me thinking there, maybe he is not mine, anyway i only got streamyx recently. before that have to rely on pasar malam bad goods. must be one of those nights, beh tahan chin gian punya kes lah.

hey kenny, you want to consider getting a gf or not, i cant figure that out, either way is only gf not legally contractual by law, but of course make sure not minor lah. kahwin itu lain, gf itu lain, apalah lu.